


Laying in the Morning Sun

by PaperThinRevolutionary (SingFortissimo)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Pining, mentioned alex/eliza, mentioned alex/maria, mentioned john/francis kinloch, mentioned laf/george, projecting myself onto John as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8615371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingFortissimo/pseuds/PaperThinRevolutionary
Summary: It hurt to fall in love with one's best friend, John had learned, and watching him go through relationships certainly didn't help. But John was nothing if not strong, and he could withstand this.





	

Nothing could be worse than this. Nothing at all. John had decided this weeks, months ago when it first started to kick in. Nothing could be worse than pining over your best friend. 

It was absolute torture. He knew that much, and he wanted it to end, goddamnit. It hurt, constantly. A non-stop ache in his very bones. Sure, there were ups, but there were just as many downs, if not more, if he was going to be honest, and goddamnit, it was miserable.  
But being the way he was, he just bit back his commentary, hid his feelings behind a smile and a best friendship that he didn’t want to give up for the world. That was why he was here to begin with, anyway. Alexander Hamilton was not easy to read. 

All of their mutual friends had told John before that Alex felt the same, that they could tell, they could _feel it_ , whatever that meant. And sure, it helped a little bit, but it did nothing to boost John’s courage on the matter, or even get him close to ready to comment on the issue face to face with the person he needed to speak to the most. 

So he sat idly back. 

John was no stranger to Alex’s mannerisms, his bouts of anger, depression, isolation. John was never excluded from his circle, though, no. Even when Alex wouldn’t open up to anybody else, there he was, right by John’s side and talking him through everything he was feeling, letting him know every little emotion that passed though his mind, and just.. Keeping him in the loop. 

John really appreciated that. 

The time never seemed to come that John was left out. It confused their mutual friends; Peggy, Lafayette, Mulligan, even George had his fair share of confusion on the issue. 

Most of John’s days, when not spent joined at the hip with Alex, were spent in the same manner beside Lafayette. One of Lafayette’s favorite things to do was to comment on the relationship between his two close friends. 

This particular day, John was thrown for a bit of a loop when he was met almost immediately with, “Ah, my darling, I just do not understand how the two of you are _not_ dating. You are always together, and you cannot tell me that you do not see how our Alexander acts around you?” 

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” John frowned and rubbed his temples a bit. _Here we go_.

“Oh, do not play the fool, you know exactly what I’m saying.” Lafayette frowned and sloshed the wine in his glass around before taking a sip. “Until you told me otherwise, I was sure the two of you were dating. You are simply never apart. You two are perfect for one another, truly.” The man insisted with a curt nod. His thoughts were only interrupted when George entered the room, gently tapping at Laf’s side until he scooted over enough for the older man to take a seat. Laf soon reclaimed his space, not caring that he was now perched in the lap of the older man. 

“You really aren’t seeing it?” Laf frowned a little, cheek resting on George’s shoulder. The other began to play absently with his curls. 

“Alexander, I assume?” He muttered, thinking only Lafayette could hear him. John just sighed and curled up tighter on the other end of the couch when Lafayette nodded an affirmation. George nodded in response and gave a soft sigh. “Ah. I’m sure I know what Gilbert has said, then, and I’m sure I agree with him. You can’t see it, but he feels the same way, John. Take the plunge. You’ll be surprised.” George said, smiling at him in a strangely comforting way. 

John just smiled and stood, a little wobbly on his feet after his drinks. “Yeah, I suppose. Maybe. Thanks, guys.” He mumbled, scooping his backpack up and tossing it over his shoulder before he let himself out. 

They were wrong. Alex would never feel that way about him. 

~*~

Not long after that, John’s worst fears were confirmed, and Alexander was openly dating someone. 

No, not just someone. 

Of all the someone’s in New York City, it just had to be her. It just had to be Elizabeth Schuyler. John’s stomach flipped at the mere thought of it, Alex and Eliza, _together_. Fuck, it broke his heart. But ever the good friend, he kept his smile and cheered his friend on, congratulated him and gave him a pat on the back, so happy to see him in such a good place. He and Eliza looked happy together, at least. He supposed he could move on. 

So he tried. Really, he tried. Even had a bit of a fling with an old spark, Francis Kinloch, when he came to Manhattan. Nothing came of it, as John expected, but a few nights of mindless sex and a little bit of nostalgia. Even Francis knew something was going on.  
John just brushed it off when he was questioned. 

They parted ways with a hug and a soft farewell, and John wasn’t sure if they would see each other again. Francis still felt the spark. John didn’t.

All of John’s lightning was for Alexander. 

~*~

He watched their relationship build. He watched them together, he even spent a few nights out with them. They were happy. Truly, honest to god happy. Alex’s room was soon full of photographs of the two of them together, beginning to overlap the photos of himself and John. Of course John noticed. He didn’t mention it. 

Alex started spending all of his free time with her. 

Of course, he was still texting John through most of it. 

John was glad that Alex was thinking of him, but at the same time, a constant stream of how happy he was with Eliza could really take a toll on him. 

He started drinking again, more heavily, mainly just on the nights Alex and Eliza went out. He hated to be dramatic about it, but he needed a break. Lafayette always stayed with him, or Mulligan. Sometimes even George would sit by his side, heavy hand laying comforting on his shoulder, a weight that kept him grounded. 

That was all he really needed to get through this, was the comfort provided by his friends, and the smile he always saw on Alexander’s face after his nights with Eliza.  
At least he still had that smile in his life. 

~*~

As quickly as their relationship came, it went. John never asked what happened between the two of them. He knew better. Alex would let him know when it came time. It wasn’t long until there was another spark in his life, Maria Lewis. She was pretty enough, sweet, clever and sharp in her words, just Alex’s type. 

The two didn’t even date, so much as have frequent sex wherever they could, most of it angry after the breakups both had suffered. 

Even if there wasn’t much affection behind it, it still hurt John to watch it. So he watched as little as he could, opted out of the parties that Alex invited him along to if he knew Maria would be there. 

He started spending a lot more time with the younger Schuyler around then, per her instigation. She and John had never been as close as either wanted, they knew they could find solace in one another, but they just never really found the time. Once Alex and Eliza separated, and Maria took on Alex, Angelica took on Eliza, leaving Peggy and John to their own devices, well, they had all the time in the world to bond. 

Peggy and John grew close, nothing romantic of course, but they had more in common than they had initially assumed. It was nice to be on one another’s teams, go out for drinks, go to shitty karaoke bars, even snuggle up and watch movies sometimes. It was a nice distraction whenever John knew Alex was out making poor decisions that ripped him to shreds. 

Finally, during their ritual screening of _Mean Girls_ , Peggy spoke. 

“You know he cares more than you’re letting yourself notice.” She said, fingers combing absently in John’s curls. John didn’t turn to face her, just gave a questioning hum. 

“Alex. You wanna know the truth?”

He hummed again. 

“I think that was one of the reasons that he and Liza didn’t work out in the end.”

John’s stomach dropped. It was his fault? Oh, fuck. That didn't make him feel any better. 

“Don’t take it that way,” Peggy scolded playfully, knowing immediately what he was thinking. “She could tell he was feeling strongly about someone else, more than he was feeling for her. She called it quits.” 

It took a moment for that to set in, but once it did, he sucked in a breath. “Are you sure it wasn’t because of Maria?” 

“John, really? You know it wasn’t. She didn’t even move here until after they broke up. Alex can be a bit of a sleaze, but none of it was her fault. She went through some shit and they got caught in each other’s whirlwinds. It’ll die down soon enough. Give it a chance once this settles if you still feel the same way?”

There was no way he wouldn’t. 

He was in too deep. 

~*~

Just as Peggy had said, it died down soon enough. John and Alex were spending time together again, Maria had moved on, strangely enough with Eliza, and things were back to normal. 

Well, as normal as they could be. 

Alex was pressed tight to John, who was spooned around the smaller figure effortlessly. It just felt right. They always lay like that when they were together, ever since they had started getting close. John was just taking all the time he could to memorize what it felt like, how soft Alex was and how perfectly he fit up against him. The gentle sound he made while he slept (John had worked his ass off to get him to sleep). The scent of his clothes and the delicate silky feeling of his hair. 

Once Alex woke again, he rolled over in John’s arms, looked at him with sleepy eyes, and smiled. 

Nothing in the world warmed John’s heart like Alex’s smile. He looked over his features the best he could in their close proximity, the creases in his cheeks from the pillowcase, the sleep still settled on his face, the soft facial hair that would only grow in that distinct pattern, lucky bastard, and the little crooked quirk in his lips that made his heart skip a damn beat. 

Finally, their eyes locked together. John hated the cliche, but he really could get lost in those. He smiled a bit and maintained the gaze, every little sparkle, the strength and wisdom in the deep, dark pools. The light shone in just enough to catch the color hiding there, soft and warm, welcoming. 

When Alex finally spoke, breaking the silence with just a simple “good morning”, John’s heart thumped. He smiled, leaned forward and rested their foreheads together. It was never anything more than that. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” He said, tone teasing and light, gentle and affectionate. 

Today definitely wasn’t the day, he didn’t want to disturb the peace, and he knew he would just go through a minuscule crisis about it again later, but maybe his friends were right. Maybe Alex did feel the same way. 

Maybe one day he would build the courage to say the words that always lingered on the tip of his tongue.  
Maybe he would be able to send those stupid “send to your crush” images on snapchat without having an anxiety attack before he could even consider it. 

Maybe he would even be able to lean in and kiss Alex, finally see if his fantasies were even close to tangible reality.  
For now, though, he was content, lying face to face, curled up in one another’s arms in the gentle morning sun.  
For now he was happy to live in the little fantasy he had been building in his mind. 

For now, he convinced himself, this was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> here we go projecting onto john again  
> let's just say there's a happy ending for john.  
> the ending of a certain other party is still up in the air.  
> we'll see.  
> loosely based in reality but heavily projected to vent some bottled shit.  
> it was either this or slam poetry. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed, until next time, 
> 
> -krys


End file.
